September 3, 2009

Wow, We have been volunteering with Common Bonds, the parents support group if you’ve had a baby in the NICU. Tonight was the first night that we went into the NICU to visit with parents and give them some gifts. What a wave of emotions that came over me tonight.
I started to cry in the waiting room. There was a mom out there, she was surrounded by family. And she was just crying. She would stop the tears for a moment and then all at once they came again. I so remember that feeling of having no control over those tears. They were flood gates that would just open and I would try everything to stop the tears and nothing worked. The feeling came back so fresh I started to cry myself. My heart ached for her. As we went inside and started finding out information on the babies and families, I realized that her baby boy was the same gestational age as Cody was. My heart went out to her again.
We scrubbed up and I can still smell the soap on my hands . A smell that I have now associated with Cody, I would long to be with him when he was in the NICU and I would smell my hands and that is the smell I remember. So with that smell comes so many memories. Memories of long hours, of tears, of smiles and of hopes.
So many stories and so many lives that pass through those doors each day. We meet a father tonight, his son was born this evening. As we visited with him I heard the grunting of his son and saw the little chest retract. It was if it was Cody lying there again. I know those sounds and I’ve seen the little body fighting for air.
I don’t know if we helped anyone else tonight. But if anything it has brought back the helpless feelings I had and the feeling of totally relying on the Lord. It is very true that at the hardest times of our lives is when we are the closest to our Savior. So If anything came out of tonight’s visit it is this:
I came home and held Cody so very tight, and just remembered. Remembered the pain, remembered the blessings, remembered the roller coaster, remembered how merciful the Lord has been to us, and remembered how it felt to have a baby in the NICU. I pray for each of those babies tonight and their parents.

Where has the summer went too???? When life is busy time sure flies by. Dallan is in first grade and loving it. Allie is trying to learn to count to 20. She could if she tried, she just doesn't care to try right now. So we are working on that. Cody is 10 months old!!!!! Holy Cow the time flies with a baby. In two months we will be celebrating his first birthday. So many feelings come flooding back when I think about that. :) I am trying to finish putting together our kitchen and Brent is back at school trying to get A's. So that is our life in a nut shell. I'll try to be more specific later.